How Family Affects the Individual by Stephanie Anyakwo
There is a famous African proverb that says, “it takes a village to raise a child.” This essentially means, that the upbringing of a child is a communal effort. Some communities can be comprised of family members while others can consist of friends and trusted loved ones. No matter what this community or village may look like, the idea is that it’s efforts will impact the child who will grow up with the hopes of being a fully independent and functioning adult. While this may be the ideal desire, the outcome for each individual looks differently. Family plays a major role in how an individual presents to the world. During the impressionable stages of childhood to the exploratory stages of adolescence— our view points, values, relationship with emotions, and understanding of self and others are impacted by our interactions (or lack there of in some cases), with our family and primary caregivers.
The influence of family
Here are four main areas that can be impacted by family relationships and early childhood experiences:
1. Emotional Health
In early stages of development, imitation is the first way a child learns how to interact with the environment. Observing family behaviors of how they respond to stress or conflict can inadvertently teach an individual emotional regulation and coping skills to manage life stressors. Throughout an individual’s life span they tend to model these behaviors in their interpersonal relationships. This conditioned behavior can be positive if effective communication, conflict resolution, and healthy coping skills were modeled. But this conditioned behavior may also be viewed as negative if drinking/drug use, IPV (intimate partner violence), and intense arguments were coping skills that were modeled.
2. Mental Health
There are no myths behind the idea of a generational cycle. This cycle can be affected by trauma, poverty, influence, or privilege but regardless of what it may look like, this familial pattern greatly impacts an individual. Families who foster healthy communication, show love, encouragement and affection can have a positive influence on an individual’s mental health and connections with others. However, families who have increased stressors, lacks safety, acknowledgment, and emotional support can have a negative influence on an individual’s mental health that can manifest in symptoms of anxiety and depression.
3. Self Esteem
Throughout life, I have been guilty of being my biggest critic instead of my biggest cheerleader. When I catch myself engaging in negative self-talk I ask, “What would my mother say if she heard me talking to myself like this?” Since she has always been supportive of my endeavors, she would be disappointed to hear me speak not so highly of myself—but everyone does not share that same experience.
The social support we receive from our family members and loved ones can contribute to feelings of increase self- worth. Additionally, fostering an environment of encouragement, optimism, and safety may enhance an individual’s self-esteem and assists in shaping views of self and compassion towards others. Conversely, the lack of social support can result in a person feeling insecure and unsure of themselves across multiple environments: family, work, school, etc.
4. Relationship (Connection) with others
Research shows, that their can be a correlation between our relationship with our caregivers and our romantic dating behavior. This can affect our partner selection, relationship values, and our ideas on love and marriage. Personally, when working with clients who repeat negative traits in relationships or who struggles with relationship issues, I typically take an assessment of their attachment style. An attachment style refers to the particular way in which an individual relates to other people. The style of attachment is formed at the very beginning of life and influences your intimate relationships.
Each individual you come across has a story to tell. I have found that no two people have the same story and I believe that our families and environments play a huge role in that uniqueness. When working with clients, be mindful that their behaviors and current view points may be affected by their family of origin. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a great way to identify how thoughts conditioned from family experiences may impact the way we feel and in turn manifest in our day-to-day behaviors.
Resources
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5954612/#CIT0057
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/009265669290064B